So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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