Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
