Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
