i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
