I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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