Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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