And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
