a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
