it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize