Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize