i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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