Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
