bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Pooping to opera.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
