Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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