Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
