i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
tell me about the fingering
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