Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
