I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
