I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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