The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
