my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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