dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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