it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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