having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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