should my penis look like a turkey
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
