If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize