Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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