mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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