worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
