i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
