He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
