Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
