I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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