if i can run in heels then i can drive
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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