Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
