we have officially lost it.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
