life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
