He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
