i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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