Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Terrible idea I love it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
