All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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