In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
