I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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