1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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