Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i already hear my dad disowning me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
