need another drink. this is the easiest way
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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