She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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