my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
