sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
