I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
