Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
