If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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