We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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