My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
