You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
