I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
