it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She even gives head with a lisp.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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