you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
