i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
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He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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