Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
