Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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