idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
