you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
