Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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