Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
