South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
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He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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