I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
