Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
