I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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