I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
being pregnant is like rehab
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
