he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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