I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
